Were you surprised to learn that you had ADD (attention deficit disorder) when you took your son or daughter to the doctor to find out why they had difficulty paying attention? You probably also learned that there is a 25 - 35% probability that if you have ADD, your child will too. Don\'t blame yourself! It\'s not your fault. It\'s just simple genetics that you have no control over, and if you take a negative attitude, it can depress you. On the other hand, you may have been relieved to finally have an answer to feelings you\'ve had since childhood but could never put a finger on. Put any negativity out of your mind right now! Focus on your strengths and weaknesses, and in the process you\'ll probably lose your bad feelings. Taking positive action leads to having success with ADD, for both you and your child with ADD.
If you\'re married and have a family, ADD can be particularly stressful for you. In most households, it\'s the woman who is responsible for family structure and organization, and when you can\'t quite meet up with societal expectations, you probably becomes guilty and even more distressed. This is especially true when you also work outside the home.
You might find these tips helpful:
Though the office has its set routines and requirements that may work with your ADD, there are no set schedules for most family activities, especially before the children are of school age. Try to make timetables for yourself that will help with feelings of not knowing what to do because there\'s just so much of it. And if you\'re working outside the home, having so much to do in so little time after working hours can be overwhelming.
Delegate some of that housework to your partner, if they don\'t already chip in and do some of it for you. If your kids are at least 5, you can give them simple chores to do, too, like setting the table. Don\'t feel guilty about making your kids work, either. They need to have a way to learn responsibility. They also need to learn the value of money, and if you give them an allowance for the work they do, you\'ll be accomplishing three things: You\'re alleviating some of your own burden, you\'re teaching your kids responsibility, and you\'re also teaching them the value of money.
Schedule the chores you have to do, too. Monday\'s do the laundry. Tuesday, do the dusting. Wednesday, take care of the banking, and so on. Schedule all these tasks in some kind of planner, and keep it nearby at all times. Somehow, when you write what you have to do down on paper or key it into a computer, the list doesn\'t look so bad. Plus, you won\'t have to worry about all you have to do because it will be right there for you. Keep a schedule and schedule these things in.
Waking up and going to bed at around the same time every day may be helpful, too. Eat your main meals at the same time every day. Do things with your kids at the same time every day and so on. Though not everything in life should be structured, having a loose idea of what\'s going on during the day will make you feel more secure. And if you work outside your home, try having \"nights,\" like \"pizza night,\" \"fun night,\" and \"learning night,\" or something like that. It will help you to know what to do when you\'re too tired to figure something out.
Some people with ADD also have anger management issues. When all hell is breaking loose around you--the kids are fighting, the dog\'s barking, and you\'re just trying to get dinner on the table--don\'t take it out on the kids. That\'s just bad for everyone concerned.
As you know, we can\'t control all situations, and distractions make us irritable when we\'re trying to concentrate and can\'t. So, when you\'re doing something complex, like cooking for example, ask someone else to be referee in the family room. In fact, ask your partner or someone else who\'s available to watch the kids in another room while you do what you need to do without the distractions. Or, just don\'t cook! Catering isn\'t as expensive as you might think when you consider the time taken to go out and buy the food, cook the meal, etc. Maybe having someone else prepare your meals isn\'t such a bad idea.
But if you\'re just a chef at heart, or you can\'t afford to have meals catered or to eat out often, then prepare the meals while your kids are in school, or at least the hard parts, and just take them out, ready to go when the family is ready to eat. If you\'re a single parent, you might also consider hiring a babysitter when you\'re doing something that needs complete concentration from you. It can be cooking or a big project for work. Just because you\'re at home working doesn\'t mean you can\'t use a babysitter sometimes. Just think of all the ways you can help yourself, and you\'re sure to come up with an ADD-friendly system that will work for you.
Things happen, though, no matter how much you try to plan ahead. When you\'re feeling like you want to explode, go into another room for a while and give yourself time to chill out and get back to normal. Give yourself some time to put situations back into perspective. Emotional outbursts don\'t help you or anyone else and they won\'t solve your frustrations. They\'ll just deepen your guilt.
Women with ADD are also in danger of becoming substance abusers, and hide their dependencies from other people. This is a form of self-medication, hoping that whatever they\'re abusing--alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, painkillers, etc., will stop the symptoms of ADD. If you\'re one of these women, seek the help of a medical professional right away. There are any number of things you can do to ease your condition, without destroying yourself and your family.
The first thing you need to do is to stop blaming yourself. You didn\'t ask to have ADD, and when you start looking at it as an advantage due to your high intelligence, your intense creativity, and your ability to hyperfocus on things, you\'ll feel much happier. Awaken to the possibilities of ADD; don\'t look at it lik
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